weight: 93.4 temp: 97.6 (afternoon)
-I haven't had much interest in the mirror...I mention this because I am typically always checking to see if I look ok while I'm ready to go on errands ect. But I made an observation in the last couple days that I have had no interest in looking at myself. But when I have looked in the mirror, I noticed for the first part of the fast my eyes were really blood shot...but since my eyesight has become a little sharper I assumed that was part of the healing process. Today I pulled out my hand mirror to see how my eyes are doing and they are so clear. Can't remember seeing them like that before.
-I hope I didn't unintentionally worry anyone with my last post talking about my heart and my weakness. I was having heart pains and palpitations before I started this fast which is one of the top reasons that I started. I was able to lay down comfortably last night and I think it's more about getting used to new feelings that come with deep healing. I'm sure that my heart is healing. Heart problems run in my family. My grandfather on my Dad's side died of a heart attack, my grandmother had a pacemaker and my Dad took pills for his heart his whole life. The heart is related to anger at mom. My mom and Dad divorced when i was 3 and I lived with my Dad. She was in and out of drug rehabilitations and jail and I heard from her infrequently over the years so I definitely have abandonment issues. I have been working really hard during this time to forgive, not just her but myself and my Dad and everyone I have ever perceived as "hurting" me. The only thing that can really hurt us is our thoughts and I have been asking for clarity as to why I am still so angry about all the things I feel like I have come to terms with. The mental and the physical are so intertwined sometimes it's hard to see which is causing what...for example, I know the hormone surge that comes with pms makes me irrate, but why is the hormone surge happening? I'm doing a lot of thinking and grappling for clarity at this time.
-I didn't want to state my end goal in the beginning because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go 21 or 25 days but I've realized after 14 days that I'm not going to get a complete healing even on 25 days, it would take 40 or more I believe, so I'm going to chalk this one up to beneficial practice and end my fast at 21 days...7 days to go.
-though a crisp green salad and potatoes of any kind are predominant on the mind, the idea of eating is really foreign. The first thing I plan to have is coconut water to get my body used to having external glucose in a form that doesn't require digestion. My friend shared with me her refeeding process after 21 days and she said it was really difficult to get anything down. The stomach shrinks so much I have no idea how it's going to physically feel to put food in my body. I do remember that last time I broke my fast on fruit and all the glands around my face swelled up and were painful for days because they were having to produce saliva again...I found it interesting that I never really realized I had all those glands on my jaw line. Also chewing anything is a chore because those muscles haven't been used. So it will first be juice and squishy things. Oranges sound good.
-don't think I mentioned I made it to the bath yesterday. I felt so depleted in the morning and afternoon and that was when I wrote yesterdays blog. Standing in the shower sounds like a nightmare so I stopped even attempting...I take baths, shooting for every other day because I'm not creating any bad odors but my hair gets grimy.
-I would like to ask that anyone who feels worried about me because they don't understand waterfasting (I appreciate the concern but it's misguided) to instead of writing me about how worried you are, just google waterfasting and get educated about what an amazing and SAFE healing process it is. (Thankyou in advance).
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