Day 19: Break fast :)

weight: 90.4


Around noon I cracked a young thai coconut. I had to sit on the floor (lol) and it took a lot of effort. The first sip was amazing as coconut water has never tasted very sweet to me so my tastebuds were definitely refreshed. By the time I finished drinking it over the course of an hour it seemed like syrup.
About an hour later I ate one of those tiny mandarin oranges, sweet, juicy and though minimal chewing was required it made my jaw a little sore and I was really full from it...which is funny since it's not much larger than a golf ball.
An hour and a half or 2 later I went for a grapefruit. I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it but it's mostly juice anyway and amazing flavor so I finished it.
Though I'm still weak I can definitely feel the energy returning. It's evening time and I still get light headed when I stand so not much has changed from the last few days. I'm eating a little every couple hours. Besides what I've already mentioned I had a piece of a red bell pepper and an orange one half at a time. I feel like my blood sugar drops everytime something digest which is pretty fast so I am having my friend get some sweet and regular potatoes to give me something a little stickier...I really want to recover some energy and get back to life!

Waterfast day 18

weight 90.8


-walking around just to pee and get water has become extrememly difficult. I have almost passed out twice today and I'm also wobbly. I feel hungry all the time. I'm going to stick out the rest of today because there is a swelling in my neck glands that feels like a healing happening, started yesterday, and I'm hoping for it to resolve tommorow as I have decided to break the fast a day early. I feel like I did an amazing thing here, it is a long time just for water with a body in my condition...and I'm going to give myself plenty of time to enjoy life before I go back for a longer attempt at a full healing. I will be looking at life in a whole new way, so grateful...and more aware of my fortitude and mental will power.

Waterfast day 17

weight 92.1 temp: 96.7


-my lightheadedness was really bad yesterday. It's a lot better today. I even feel mentally stronger but so glad I'm on the home stretch. Friday friday cannot come soon enough.

-I feel stronger today. Walking around doesn't cause immediate loss of breath and rapid heart beat but it's still not easy.

-there's this place in LA that has a glass case full of raw food creations and they are outstanding...mock bagel with the works, thick crust pizza, gourmet desserts...I want someone to carry me in there and I'll choose a smorgesborg...problem, I'd probably eat three bites and have to be rolled out.

-I want to sleep till Friday.

waterfast day 15 and 16

weight: 92.4 temp: 96.3 (afternoon)


I haven't had energy or motivation to write. I'm weak pretty much laying in bed except to pee and get water. If I stand up too long I get light headed, my hard pounds and I breathe heavy so I am just toughing out the home stretch mostly lying down. Sorry, that's all for today :)

Waterfast day 14

weight: 93.4 temp: 97.6 (afternoon)


-I haven't had much interest in the mirror...I mention this because I am typically always checking to see if I look ok while I'm ready to go on errands ect. But I made an observation in the last couple days that I have had no interest in looking at myself. But when I have looked in the mirror, I noticed for the first part of the fast my eyes were really blood shot...but since my eyesight has become a little sharper I assumed that was part of the healing process. Today I pulled out my hand mirror to see how my eyes are doing and they are so clear. Can't remember seeing them like that before.

-I hope I didn't unintentionally worry anyone with my last post talking about my heart and my weakness. I was having heart pains and palpitations before I started this fast which is one of the top reasons that I started. I was able to lay down comfortably last night and I think it's more about getting used to new feelings that come with deep healing. I'm sure that my heart is healing. Heart problems run in my family. My grandfather on my Dad's side died of a heart attack, my grandmother had a pacemaker and my Dad took pills for his heart his whole life. The heart is related to anger at mom. My mom and Dad divorced when i was 3 and I lived with my Dad. She was in and out of drug rehabilitations and jail and I heard from her infrequently over the years so I definitely have abandonment issues. I have been working really hard during this time to forgive, not just her but myself and my Dad and everyone I have ever perceived as "hurting" me. The only thing that can really hurt us is our thoughts and I have been asking for clarity as to why I am still so angry about all the things I feel like I have come to terms with. The mental and the physical are so intertwined sometimes it's hard to see which is causing what...for example, I know the hormone surge that comes with pms makes me irrate, but why is the hormone surge happening? I'm doing a lot of thinking and grappling for clarity at this time.

-I didn't want to state my end goal in the beginning because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go 21 or 25 days but I've realized after 14 days that I'm not going to get a complete healing even on 25 days, it would take 40 or more I believe, so I'm going to chalk this one up to beneficial practice and end my fast at 21 days...7 days to go.

-though a crisp green salad and potatoes of any kind are predominant on the mind, the idea of eating is really foreign. The first thing I plan to have is coconut water to get my body used to having external glucose in a form that doesn't require digestion. My friend shared with me her refeeding process after 21 days and she said it was really difficult to get anything down. The stomach shrinks so much I have no idea how it's going to physically feel to put food in my body. I do remember that last time I broke my fast on fruit and all the glands around my face swelled up and were painful for days because they were having to produce saliva again...I found it interesting that I never really realized I had all those glands on my jaw line. Also chewing anything is a chore because those muscles haven't been used. So it will first be juice and squishy things. Oranges sound good.

-don't think I mentioned I made it to the bath yesterday. I felt so depleted in the morning and afternoon and that was when I wrote yesterdays blog. Standing in the shower sounds like a nightmare so I stopped even attempting...I take baths, shooting for every other day because I'm not creating any bad odors but my hair gets grimy.

-I would like to ask that anyone who feels worried about me because they don't understand waterfasting (I appreciate the concern but it's misguided) to instead of writing me about how worried you are, just google waterfasting and get educated about what an amazing and SAFE healing process it is. (Thankyou in advance).

Waterfast day 13

weight: 94 temp: 97 (afternoon)


-Last night was really difficult. If I layed flat or on my side my heart would beat hard and fast and it was giving me anxiety so I ended up sleeping in an almost half sitting up position with pillows. Not very restful. At some point in the night my shoulder that I've mentioned became so inflamed with throbbing pain that it woke me up. I sat with it, observing the pain as a sensation and after a long time it would subside to the degree I would fall asleep. Then it would happen again and wake me up. I think it happened about 3 times. When I finally woke up for the morning, the inflamation was gone but it feels the same amount of pain as when we started. I'm guessing there is a lot of work there for the body to clean up whatever kind of injury that is.


-the not being able to lie down without anxiety started yesterday evening so it's been annoying to have to remain in one position all the time. I would prefer to relax as I watch movies but it just seems like my heart has to work too hard if I do that. I've calculated my highest heartbeat at around 90 bps, which is still in normal range but uncomfortable for me because I'm not used to it. I read that it's very normal to have an increased heart rate while fasting, you have to figure the body is doing a lot more work on itself than it normally can so it needs that ooomph, but it can certainly be unsettling at times. Just walking to the bathroom or fridge for water raises it up like I just ran a city block.

-I'm hanging in there. Don't really have the energy to write down my random thoughts.

waterfast day 12

weight: 94.8 temp: 98 (morning) 96.7 (afternoon)

-again nothing really major or new to report. I had the thought today that if it doesn't get any worse than this I can keep going, but we definitely take our energy and our strength for granted. I have a feeling I'm going to become even more productive when I recover mine.

-In my listing off many toxic contributers to my current health condition I forgot to mention I had 7 mercury fillings put in at the age of 7. Which reminded me of those early childhood days when we would eat cheerios, rice crispies or cornflakes for breakfast which was always served with a sugar bowl. I would put so many spoonfulls of sugar on my cereal that after the cereal was gone there was a thick sugar syrup left, which of course I would scoop up as much of with every bite as possible. I would also eat honey straight out of the jar, I guessed I loved it but I overdosed one time and to this day I can't stand it. All but one of my amalgam fillings was replaced by adult teeth. About 3 years ago I had it pulled straight out because I didn't want the mercury getting stirred up and adding to my toxicity level. They also gave me radioactive iodide to render my thyroid inactive. Though I did several rounds of DMSA (a heavy metal chelator) I'm sure my load was pretty heavy and deeply stored since it happened when I was so young.

Thoughts I had today: Everyone who asks me where I get my protein is overweight. The world has essentially been brainwashed about protein.

Everyone on these cooking shows is overweight. People are willing to sacrifice their health for taste.

A salad sounds amazing :)

I made jerk jackfruit jerky one time...what a genius creation. Jerk flavor is really on the brain lately.

Am I going to get through this?

Thank God my kids are understanding and I have amazing friends to help.

I can't stop thinking about potatoes (better than last time I couldn't stop thinking about donuts)...potato curry, scalloped potatoes, potato casserole, potato pancakes, hashbrowns, potato stew, potato vindaloo, mashed potatoes, smash (potato, sweetpotato, plantian, yam puree), tempura sweet potatoes...jeez, I don't know

Water fast Day 11

weight: 95.8 temp: 96.3 (afternoon)

-there's not a lot to report today. Interesting that my weight was the same as yesterday. Incredibly weak, every little thing is an effort but I did a colonic because I had that urge to go and nothing would come out (passed more hard stuff that sank and nothing was floating so no idea if I passed anymore parasites) and then I took a bath, opened my window to the sun and took a nap for at least an hour.

-I was thinking about the 7 deadly sins today and how religion has scared people into eternal damnation which makes them controlable. I think in reality these were given as more of a guideline as to what will injure the physical body: wrath-anger hurts you physically, it raises your blood pressure,and we're apt to supress it which is even more dangerous leading to disease if it isn't released, greed-holding on is blocking flow and life is flow, you give to receive, if you block your flow you clog your system, sloth-sitting around stagnates the lymph...if you aren't moving your lymph you are dying, pride-how many times have you known you were wrong but didn't say so because of your pride? This causes guilt and guilt is toxic to the system, lust-wanting is always a problem...if you want something, look at it...the wanting creates the feeling of lack and lack is death...you already have everything you need, envy-this is simply a way of telling yourself that someone else is better than you or has it better and that is lie because you never have the whole story. If you lie to yourself it hurts your tissues. Nobody has it better than you and no one is better or worse than you, and gluttony-filling your temple with things it can't do anything with, things it can't digest, too much of anything is going to get stored somewhere in your body and cause problems.

-Day 11 is almost over which means I'm almost halfway done. I feel accomplished. A few words come to mind about the journey so far: grueling, harrowing, draining, frustrating...meanwhile, I've never done something so challenging and succeded and I'm no where near the hemisphere of quitting. I can't even think of an appropriate thing to put in my body besides water. I miss my energy but we shall meet again one beautiful day not so far away.