This was not one of those times where I had set an intention to do a water fast to progress on my path towards freedom...it was more like the last few years of binge eating and trying every supplement under the sun to resolve annoying issues finally caught up with me and my body was screaming for a break and time to heal...as my mind reeled through my excuse rolodex it finally landed on, hey, you need to do this before it's too late, ya dig? So I resolutely agreed a couple days before starting my fast that my higher guidance was of course right...and I stood in the shower thinking how it would be possible being the mother of two rambunctious school aged children, and finally decided to ask a friend if she would come a few days a week to make the kids dinner, pack their lunches and do the menial tasks around the house that need doing. She was more than happy to have a side job and in that moment I was accountable...but not excited.
In July I started a juice fast the day that my boyfriend died...I did not feel like eating at all...but I knew I needed strength to get through it and take care of my kids...the not wanting to eat anything at all lasted almost a week...I carried on with the juicing for another week because it felt good...but eventually cravings called loud and hard and I began eating again. The problem with juice fasting is you're still giving your body calories, so it can do more cleansing than usual, but nothing too deep. So what I accomplished was to loosen up a bunch of stuff and then halt the process and my body didn't like that. Things got worse and I started comfort eating. I would sit down to a bowl of macadamia nut cheese and eat it with romaine lettuce leaves as the spoon...scooping up spoonfuls with every bite of lettuce and demolishing a couple heads of romaine...that's a lot of fat for a little person like me, even though I was having only one meal a day like that, and mostly small snacks earlier in the day still with lots of juices and elixers, I started to feel really bad. I was sampling all kinds of supplements for my thyroid to try and get my feet warm and my metabolism up and I was using all kinds of aryvedic and chinese herbs to try and regulate my digestion and bloating...nothing was working. I remembered the ultimate truth...it's not the adding in that heals, but rather the subtracting of less than optimal choices of what to put in your body.
The night before I was to start my fast I decided to have one last food hurrah, even though my intention had been to juice that day so as to ease into it...my brain was screaming: ONE LAST SUPPER!!!! After that I made a list of all my anxieties about the fast and then kept a journal in a small notebook of the last five days...I thought I would transpose this at the end of the fast, but instead I decided to get this first part down and then start blogging the remaining days...the main reason is because it's getting uncomfortable to hold a pen and write and it's much easier to type...but also it will give me something to do.
People fear fasting because it's spoken ill of by those who try it and fail....they think the part about feeling bad, which is detox, is a sign that it's not a good thing to do and there aren't a whole lot of people in the medical proffession who are in favor of it, but why should they be? Their job relies on having sick people and the pharmaceutical payoffs they get to dole out drugs. But the truth is, we have polluted ourselves with so much shite for so many years, that when we finally give the body the space to heal, it's going to do it as fast as it can...and it's uncomfortable. This morning I was thinking about being a teenager and spraying myself with toxic perfumes and awful make-up (the skin eats and breaths) and spraying my buffoon hairdo with a literal cloud of toxic aerosol hairspray. We take anti-biotics and hormones (birth control), prescription medications when we hurt ourselves, we eat countless unknown and little understood chemicals and colorings in our processed foods, animal decay is stored in our adipose tissues for as long as it was put there, we attract buggly wugglies of all shapes and sizes who thrive in our intestines on the mountainess waste. We destroy our gut flora and the yeast gets the upper hand and chronic candida results. I mean c'mon, is it any wonder we are sick and our bodies are trying to tell us to take a break? Here's my journal so far:
9/20 prefast honesty coupled with pms hormonal emotions (lol)
-anger, frustration and anxiety are prevalent
-I'm afraid I'm alone in the way that I am thinking (in general, about the world and our existence)
-I want a water fast to heal me and I'm worried that it won't
-I'm afraid of failing
-I'm tired of doing everything alone
-I feel weak willed
-I feel sick of trying
-I'm tired of being uncomfortable
-I'm a little depressed about the weather and how much struggle winter is going to be
-I want to give up
-I want to know God's will so that I can align with it but I feel unaware and clogged
-I don't know how to love and forgive myself
-I'm tired of being confused
-I want to be healthy and happy and free to travel
9/21 waterfast day 1
weight: 109
-surprisingly optimistic
list of ailments I hope to resolve:
-hacking up phlegm
-burning stomach when eating fruit (mild ulcers?)
-ringing/buzzing in my head
-right arm/shoulder area sore and really tight...feels like I worked out but didn't, ongoing for a few weeks
-neck pain and stiffness
-itchy clogged ears
-generally yeasty, candida overgrowth
-bloated
-digestive issues/pain in lower intestines on the right side near hip/alternating constipation and loose stools
-thyroid/body temperature/metabolism/minor but uncomfortable heart palpitations
-eyesight
-itchy lower right calf like an under the skin rash
-mild dandruff (much less than before going raw but still occasionally annoying)
-low energy and dependence on stimulants like chocolate and tea
-aches all over the place, especially lower back/hip area, specific parts of my neck and shoulder
-feel dehydrated all the time despite taking lots of fluid everyday
-muscle cramping in my upper rib area
It was an uneventful day with the stomach shrinking/grumbling not causing me too much discomfort, toxin headache setting in...buckling in for the fight
9/22 Day 2
weight: 106.6
-shaky like I really want to eat, that feeling when you've gone too long without a meal and your blood sugar drops
-random cravings, mostly fruit
-irratibility
-getting weaker and a little lightheaded but still strong enough to get around easily
-alternating hot and cold
-occasional slight heart pain
-a little sweaty from time to time and internal buzzy feeling like drug withdrawal
-toxin headache a little less than yesterday but still strong
-I thought I would do a daily video diary but haven't felt like it
-feel very weak willed at times, phantom smells like the brain is trying to trick me into eating
-keep praying for strength and have visions of waking up next to my boyfriend's body, like...the alternative to healing is???
-random aches in the usual places are intensified
-a little gas at times (wasn't expecting that, lol)
-very jealous of people who are still eating whatever they want and don't worry about their health or envision a better way to live (sigh)
-looking for any reason to quit
-thinking of all the things I would like to eat but also how each one would ruin me
-afraid I won't have the strength to do what I need to do
-periods of optimism and clarity on an amazing future
-lots of emotions cycling:
*sorrow
*anger
*frustration
*acceptance
*gratitude and love for life and God
9/23 Day 3
weight: 104.6
-Still kind of hungry today but tending to the psychological side...continuing phantom smells (smells that seem to come from no where) like this morning a full course breakfast of eggs, sausage, hashbrowns, things I haven't eaten in years...cellular memory bring them up as they are being cleansed out?
-mantra: you are cleansing not starving and you are amazing. This will pass as a blip on the radar
-toxin headache mild today
-aches and pains in the regular areas, lower back/hip and shoulder seem pronounced
-my neck seems to be loosening up...rolling it around and stretching getting relief cracks and pops
-my shoulder is worse than before I started which is annoying but hopefully means the healing has begun
-walking into the kitchen is awful...I want to eat everything I see and it's all junkfood snacks the kids can easily grab
-strong lower back ache comes and goes...it's in the muscle not organs so it's not scary
-heart pain greatly diminished
-intestinal annoyance on the right side is greatly diminished
-food fantasies going crazy especially from tv commercials (the hallmark channel is the worst with tons of chocolate commercials, c'mon I'm just trying to watch some chick flicks!)
*I started to make a list of my worst cravings to add as future additions to my vegan and raw cookbook:
-chocolate covered ice cream bar
-decked out sandwich
-raw cookies
-fruit fruit fruit!
-raw yogurt (gah...so yum!)
-breakfast potatoes, sausage, "eggs" hotsauce
-chocolate truffles
-spicy cheesy kale chips
-soft shell taco
-raw icecream with "carmel" date sauce
-raw pizza
-berry pie (with icecream)
-jerk chicken (vegan and raw vegan version)
-grilled peanut butter and chocolate sandwich
-ice cream cake
-baked mac and cheese
-potato casserole
-potato sausage stew
-potato goulash (potato fetish anyone?)
-sausage muffin with cheese
-breakfast burrito (with potatoes!)
-cheesy garlic bread
-stuffed avocado
-chocolate chip cookies
-rice crispie treats
and things I just really really want! Cherimoya, persimmon,sapote, olives...
Intention setting/goals:
*I have a very successful reality show
*I am performing big shows
*I get to give inspirational talks which takes me traveling all over exotic places
*I have property in hot but not humid paradise with permaculture fruit trees of so many varieties, berries and wonderful things I haven't even heard of yet...it supports a group of really cool people that maintain it so I can come and go and hold really cool retreats there
9/24 Day 4
weight: 103.2
First thought of the morning on rising: "food is a really stupid idea"
-my shoulder hurts even more...lower back where the knots in my muscle tissue are is annoying and quite painful at times...intuition says the result of intensive healing taking place
-still don't feel like hunger has resolved (remembering I did a colonic the day before my last 7 day fast and that must have sped up ketosis as I was expecting to wake up day 3 without hunger) but still the thought of eating is not very appealing, just feeling bored and tired
-slight acid reflux which feels more like I need to burp but upon trying realizing it's liquid...drink more water and it resolves
-finding it slightly difficult to concentrate when reading and sometimes hard to think of the word I want
-phantom smells continue...am I breathing out old french fries and sausage? A stray fruit fly here and there buzz around my face so I must be exhaling something delicious (lol)
9/25 Day 5
weight: 101.6
-weakness definitely setting in but not as bad as I was expecting from my former fasts. I showered pretty comfortably this morning but I definitely wanted to get in and out and took an hour to motivate myself to do it. I had more stregth yesterday but I was more lazy so I didn't get to it...it was time to bathe and it was refreshing
-yesterday I asked the angels to warm up my feet which have been like icecubes most of the time even bundled under blankets and within a couple hours I noticed they were warm and stayed warm the rest of the night. hoping for a repeat today
-I started using the terminator zapper because it dawned on me after reading a few water fasting accounts yesterday that I've probably got parasites. When I put it on, I normally don't notice anything but today was like a mini war started in my intestines so I think it was definitely a spot on inutition, uhg.
-My teeth are not gathering gunk like they normally do when eating but I've still been brushing my teeth to remove the light film. Today was the first day I used toothpaste and it was delicious...the first taste I've had in my mouth...I rinsed my mouth really well when I was done so the taste and film wouldn't linger.
-My tongue is thickly coated. Ever since I learned of systemic candida and the tongue being a key sign I have tried everything to get rid of it for years...even long before starting raw foods and I have never seen myself with a pink tongue to this day. They say a thick coating on the tongue is a main symptom of water fasting but for me it's nothing new, just a little thicker. If I have a pink tongue after this I will jump for joy
-On my lower calf where I have a years ongoing itchy patch, like an under-skin rash, it's mostly resolved!
-the toxin headache is low today but over the last few days it has ebbed and flowed with day 1 and day 4 being the worst so far. I will be so grateful when it resolves, it makes it difficult to concentrate and work on the projects I want to tackle like movie editing.
-I'm not obsessing on food like I have the last few days (yet) but it still seems like my stomach is shrinking and causes that minor hunger feeling once in a while...for the most part I don't feel hungry unless I really dwell on it.
-where I used to be hacking up phlegm all the time, it's almost gone...I have had super small amount come up once this morning in the shower and a couple times in the last few days but it's so minimal compared to what was happening before
-the buzz/ringing in my head is slightly reduced but definitely not gone.
-no BM since day 1...periodic passing gas is pretty rank
-later in the evening my hip is inflamed and sciatic nerve radiating down to my ankle...I pray for relief and I receive an understanding to just notice the pain as a sensation only, and that it means my amazing body is repairing itself on deep levels and I feel grateful...but I wish it would end :)
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